


Unspoken

by sleepy_sendhelp



Series: Herongraystairs <3 [8]
Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, supposedly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25165336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepy_sendhelp/pseuds/sleepy_sendhelp
Summary: part one of a thing — Tessa and Jem’s engagement party
Relationships: Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray, Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray/Will Herondale, Jem Carstairs/Will Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Series: Herongraystairs <3 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810132
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> just found out that i cannot, for the life of me, write angst. Also the setting is: Jem is miraculously healed from yin fen and he gets to marry Tessa sooner (rather than a hundred years later).

The night was young, but Will had already felt a certain kind of weariness that seeped into his bones. Jem was swept away by the rest of the Carstairs clan, and Tessa was navigating through nephilim high society by her lonesome. 

Tessa and Jem — who recently became popular along with the rest of the London Institute’s inhabitants due to the unfortunate ordeal with Mortmain, had just announced their engagement. Of course, there was a party to be had. As Jem’s parabatai, he was his chosen suggenes. That role apparently came along with a speech. 

The speech, besides Jem and Tessa, was probably the only reason he was here; alone at a party with a bleeding heart that no one seemed to notice. What was he supposed to say? That he wasn’t happy they were getting married because they weren’t about to marry him? How selfish.

He looks around, the party was in full swing looking like something out of a novel. Beautiful decorations, overflowing drinks, colorful dresses, and merry laughter was all around him but he’s seated by the darkest corner with a piece of paper that he wished he could burn along with the selfish pieces of him that wanted both Jem and Tessa to himself. 

Why must he want to ruin something that is already whole and has no room for him? Can’t he find it in him to be happy with the fact that the two people he loves dearly are about to marry each other? Can’t he be happy with the fact that his parabatai, the other half of his soul, is alive and well and is about to do something he thought he wouldn’t be alive long enough for him to do?

The last thought halts his spiral down into a lonely abyss. 

Jem is alive and well, Jem is about to be married to the love of his life. Tessa’s alive, she’s survived against every painful thing she’s had to endure since coming to London. They’re about to start a life together, a happy one with children and a warm home. That should be enough for Will. It is enough for Will. Because he loves them. And isn’t that what love is supposed to be, putting someone else’s needs and happiness before your own? 

“Will, it’s time for your speech.” Jem brings him back to reality. Will looks into his eyes and sees his unbridled joy, sees Tessa behind him with her cheeks flushed and a wide smile that can only be rivalled by her soon-to-be-husband. That was the final push. He takes a deep breath and stands, suddenly finding that the weight of his heavy heart was easier to bear. 

Will stands by the fireplace, calling for attention. He clears his throat, foregoing the joke he had planned to tell. He sees the stars of the night up front curled in towards each other, waiting for the one soul who knows them best to say something, anything. This is when it had become clear, that the speech is for no one but Tessa and Jem. He throws his crumpled up speech into the blazing fire behind him, ignoring the raised eyebrows that followed. 

“Tonight we gather in early celebration of a union born from pain and loss. We celebrate the love of two people that withstood the test of heaven and hell, and everything in between.” He does not take his eyes off of the couple. He does, however, step away from the fire — he knows the sweat forming on the palms of his hands was not because of his proxmity to the hearth, but he steps away nonetheless. 

“Jem and Tessa have been through life threatening ordeals, have been through confusion and uncertainty, yet they have made it out alive and stronger than ever.” 

have made it out alive with him...and now they’re setting off to go further without him. He forces the tears not to come out. 

“James Carstairs is the most patient man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, possessing the kindness of a saint and the wit to match yours truly.” He winked and raised his glass, soliciting a chuckle from the crowd, all the while hoping that the slight pause was enough for him to swallow down the lump in his throat. 

“Tessa, we have not known each other for very long but I know the unrelenting fierceness of your love,” have felt it directed towards him, if only for a short while. 

“and I know no better man deserving of your heart than my Jem.” He wished to say more, to spill every thought and emotion and desire pent up inside him, but he knows to hold his tongue, knows not to ruin this for them. So he chokes back on a sob disguised as a cough. For a lover of words, he finds that there is nothing left for him to say, so he raises his glass. 

“To Jem and Tessa.” the crowd echoes and raises their glasses along with him. He finishes his drink in one gulp, avoiding Jem’s prying eyes, knowing that he won’t be able to hold off for much longer if he does not separate himself from the only two people in the room that matters to him as of the moment. 

As Will hurries to lock himself in his room he wonders, if he could barely give a speech, how is he supposed to hand Jem off to Tessa and watch them get married right before his eyes? He veers off course and runs out into the night hoping the company of strangers and the thrill of slaying demons would be enough to make him forget about the sinking feeling in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was proud of my brain babies but I’m like... only semi-proud of this one HAHAH


End file.
